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Any transcription errors are solely the fault of the webmaster who was
typing them in from hand-written copies. If you wish to correct or amend
an entry, please contact the webmaster! Items with no title were given
a title, again by the webmaster. If you would like a different title, just
inform him.
Librarian
Lyrics: Robert Crichton
(Words: ???? and 'Ook Ook')
I went off to Ankh-Morpok,
Those stunning sights to see.
I studied old-time magic
At University.
A dozen old professors
And one o-rang-u-tang,
A good half of our classes
All ended with a bang!
The hardest part of college
Is fighting off the books,
Bring fruit for the Librarian,
His prompt reply:”Ook ooks.”
Now if you want some trouble
Forget that he’s an ape -
If fools call him a monkey,
Then all their bones he’ll break.
I went off to Ankh-Morpok,
Those stunning sights to see.
I studied old-time magic
At University.
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Health Wolves
Lyrics: Allegra Sloman
(words: Health and Wolves)
(ttto: My Bonnie)
A caribou up on the tundra
who yearly migrates for its food
takes care to stay well in the middle
The alternative never is good
Chorus:
Health Wolves, Health Wolves
remind you to stay with the herd, the herd
Health Wolves, Health Wolves
remind you to stay with the herd, the herd
The wolves enjoy caribou babies
The wolves chase the elderly too
But stay with the herd in the middle
and they won't be chasing down YOU
Chorus
The caribou life is a cycle
the wolves rise and crahs in their turn
you're likely to stay very healthy
When one simple concept you learn.
Chorus
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Condition Red
Lyrics: Ali Muniz
(words: Health and Wolves)
Little Red, your grandma is terribly ill
Little Red, go visit at the hospital
Well her head, it isn't the right shape at all
The disease has disfigured her lying there still.
Little Red, her teeth were affected and those
ears are much bigger than normal old ears
Come in close, there's something she wants you to hear
Well her voice isn't strong, come in close, come in close.
Little Red, this hospital food isn't right.
Well she wants something better - she wants just one bite
of a succulent thing; only you have the dose.
Oh she wants you to feed her, come on, come in close.
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My Calamari Baby
Lyrics: Eggs Scrambled (Anne Harlan Prather, Blind Lemming Chiffon,
Howeird, Deborah Dean, Lawrence Dean, Carol Parker,
&nsbp;Bill Laubenheimer, Autumn O'Leary, Lauren Schulz,
Leslie Jordan)
(words: Soldiers and Masters)
(ttto: Melancholy Baby)
My girl's in the Calimari Army
left left left left right right right
Sacrificed a limb for our squid masters
Soldiers like her won't give up the fight.
Every fork may have a silver plating
As the humans take a bite
Some falls in their lap
As they eat up every scrap
And they give off a Calimari light.
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Distilled Spirits
Lyrics: LuteHawk, Rebecca Newman, Tenderstone,
Sandra, Alex, Dormouse, Sabrina
(words: Drinking and 'A Higher Power')
(ttto: Jesus Loves Me)
(last verse ttto: Tapioca)
Jesus loves mead, this we know
For our tankards tell us so
Pints and cans to him belong
Comes in light and comes in strong
Yes, Jesus loves us,
Yes, Jesus loves us,
No Dysentery
Because God gave us beer
Dysentery, Dysente-ery
No dysentary in the ale today.
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Great View, Great Debt
Lyrics: Lynn Gold, Rick Weiss, Tess Calhoun, Tom Lunderville,
and the rest of the table
(words: 'Rich and Poor' and Home)
(ttto: Sunrise, Sunset)
I've got a home in California
Bought it with nothing down one day
I don't remember such high interest - Now I pay!
When did it get to be so costly?
When did the index get so high?
With no one working, I can't sell or buy!
Great view, great debt!
Great view, great debt!
I'm both rich and poor
One payment later than another
Creditors knocking at the door
Great view, great debt!
Great view, great debt!
I just pay and pay!
My banks to busy going under
To take my domicile away.
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Dark Shadows & Filthy Lucre
Lyrics: Seanan McGuire, Michelle Dockrey, Amy McNally,
Mia Nutick, Ryan Nutick, Shawna Jacques,
Beth Runnerwolf, Joe Surmick
(words: 'Dark Shadows' and 'Filthy Lucre')
(ttto: ?????)
If you're lookin' for adventure; If you like a little danger.
If you're not hemophobic; If you're fond of sex with strangers.
If you like your lovin' with a little bite.
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
It's like Dark Shadows crossed with Girls Gone Wild.
Van Helsing only goes there when he wants to get to defiled.
We've got mirrors on the ceiling, but the girls are out of sight.
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
If your feelin' lost & lonely and a little broken hearted.
Bring along your filthy lucre, and we're happy to get started.
We promise that our prices aren't a fright
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
We make Anita Blake look like a nun!
And Anne Rice can't imagine half the things our girls have done.
We make Elvira look like Sandra Dee!
And if you pay a premium then maybe you'll get me.
Great-grandma bathed in virgin's blood. That used 'em up to fast.
'Cause when you drain the virgins dry, the virgins never last!
We're ladies of the evening... of the night!
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
Once the sun goes down then we'll show you the light.
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
If your stake's not made of wood, the price is right.
Come on down to Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
The red light's on at Lizzie Bathory's Vampire Cathouse tonight!
(Oh Dracula baby!)
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These Are The Days
Lyrics: Carmiel, Rich Glover, Callie Hills,
JT Traub, Julesong, Lady Leona,
CD Woodbury
(words: 'Sing a Song of Filkdom' and Dorsai)
(ttto: Those Were The Days)
Once upon a time ther was a filk con
where Dorsai gleefully ran everywhere
where the music and guitars played on for hours
and hotel guests ran screaming in great fear
Chorus:
These are the days my friend,
I hope they never end.
We'll sing a song of filkdom every day.
We'll sing the songs we choose,
Of zombies, slime and ooze,
For we are geeks, and sure to sing our way.
Just last night I stood inside the filk room.
Nothing seemed the way it used to be.
One by one the words, they escaped me;
Has everyone here caught Frank Hayes Disease?
Chorus
Through the door, there came familiar laughter.
I saw your face and heard you call my name.
Oh my friend, we're older but no wiser;
For in our hearts the songs are still the same.
Chorus
Now the busy years go rushing by us.
We keep upgrading cell phones on the way.
If by chance I'd see you in the filk room,
We'll smile at one another and we'll say...
Chorus x 2
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